Dad: Wait, Loki's destroying all the frost giants even though he is one?
Me: Yup.
Dad: Why?
Me: He's trying to prove to his father, and by extension all of Asgard, that he's really one of them and that he's worthy and mansome like Thor. Also, self-loathing.
Dad: If I were his dad, this wouldn't have happened.
Me: If you were Loki's dad, our children would be born without eyelids.
Later
Dad: OH NO
Me: Calm it down, dad.
Dad: HE'S CRYING AGAIN. I HATE IT WHEN HE CRIES. MAKE HIM STOP.
Me: *sigh* Oh, would that I could.
Dad: Do you think if I gave Odin a cow and some goats he would agree to have Loki marry you so you can make sure he never cries again?
Me: First of all, you live in the suburbs and have no livestock to speak of. Second, probably not, as I am a commoner and kind of gross-looking. Third, I strongly object to the prospect of being bartered.
Dad: You're right.
Me: Thank you.
Dad: I'd probably have to give him two cows.
Later
Dad: Loki just did a pole dance.
Me: *laugh*
Dad: He sits with his legs spread like a cheap strumpet and he twirls on a pole.
Me: *laugh*
Dad: Loki's a slut.
Later
Thor: *pins Loki down with Mjolnir*
Dad: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Loki: *yell* *squirm* *grunt*
Dad: HAHAHAHAHAHA OH MY GOD HAHAHAHAHA!
Later
Loki: I could have done it, father!
Dad: Oh my god.
Odin: No, Loki.
Dad: SHUT UP ANTHONY HOPKINS YOU NEGLECTFUL ASSHOLE. IF LOKI WERE MY SON I WOULD BE NICE TO HIM.
Me: *ruptures internal organs trying not to laugh*
Loki: ...
Dad: OH NO OH NO OH NO
Loki: *lets go of the spear*
Dad: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Thor: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Odin: No.
Dad: DAMNIT ODIN YOU AREN'T UPSET ENOUGH
Me: Dad, don't give yourself a palpitation.
Later
Dad: WTF Loki just comitted suicide and these assholes are throwing a feast and partying.
Me: ...
Dad: Assholegard!!!!
THE END
